Jane the Virgin Recap: A Good Diagnosis

*Anthony Mendez voice* Weeeeee’re back! This week on Jane the Virgin, we’ll see surfer-dude-Rogelio, learn why toddlers are often called “ankle-biters,” and watch Anezka’s plan unfold. Buckle up, cause here we go!

A Nightmare Dressed Like a Daydream | Chapter Forty-Six opens with Jane having recurrent nightmares about Michael getting shot again. Xo thinks Jane should talk to Michael about not going back to the police force once he’s healed, but Jane doesn’t want to because she doesn’t think work is even on his radar. Michael gets upset at Jane when she expresses that she wishes he wouldn’t go back to being a cop, but then decides that he would give it up for her, if she needed him to. Jane feels guilty that Michael is the one who got shot, yet he’s comforting her, so she decides she’s gonna get over her fears. First step: getting into a routine. While she’s telling Michael his schedule for the day, Michael accidentally calls Jane “mom.” Aaaawkward.

They move from the hospital back to Alba’s house, so Alba and Xiomara can help take care of Michael and Mateo. Michael has to keep his heart rate down, so he and Jane aren’t allowed to have sex for the next 6 weeks. Guess she’ll stay “Jane the Virgin” a while longer.

Abort Mission! | After the renovation of the house, Alba got yellow wallpaper with giant cherries put up, and Xo hates it. Alba insists she loves it, and Jane is once again caught in the middle. More importantly, though, Xo had a medication abortion, since she was pregnant with Esteban’s baby, and she’s worried Alba will find out. She thinks Alba has been dropping hints that she knows, because that’s what happened when she figured out that Xo had started having sex. Xo ropes Michael into putting his detective skills to work, and he suggests using the word “abort” in front of Alba to see if she reacts. Alba eventually overhears Xo frantically whispering to Jane, asking if she thinks Alba knows, and confronts Xo. Xo confesses that she had an abortion, and Alba leaves the house without saying a word.

Biting the Hand | Jane and Rafael take another visit to the preschool they are planning on enrolling Mateo in, but Rafael doesn’t like it anymore. He tells Jane that he’s finally over her, so he’s not just trying to please her anymore. So now they have to find a new preschool that both of them like, and most of them are already full. Rafael finds one that’s ethnically and culturally diverse, but Jane doesn’t like the rich snobby moms. One comes up to Jane claiming that Mateo bit her son, because he has bite marks on his arm and was near Mateo, but Jane is sure the woman is wrong, because Mateo has never bitten anyone before. Jane blows up at the woman and storms off, but when she’s putting Mateo in his carseat, he bites her hand. Oops.

Jane walks in on Alba and Xo in a shouting match about Xo’s abortion, and orders them not to yell around Mateo anymore, because he’s started biting. Xo asks Alba if they can’t just move past it, but Alba is too upset to, and now it’s Xo’s turn to leave the house, saying she’ll spend the night at Rogelio’s house. Jane retreats to her room (that she’s now sharing with Michael), where Michael asks if she wants to listen to his honeymoon playlist together while researching reasons kids bite. The general consensus? Kids bite when they’re overwhelmed and unsure, and don’t have words to express themselves. Jane then realizes that she’s been “biting” too—snapping at everyone for no reason. She tells Michael that she wants him to be happy, and that if he wants to go back to work, that’s okay. Michael tells her that he loves his job, and he’s not afraid, and he wants to go back, and Jane says she’ll be okay with that.

Fighting Words | Jane writes an email to the snooty preschool, apologizing for the biting incident, and while she and Rafael are touring another preschool, which is much more on the hippie side, she gets a response. They’ve invited Mateo to join! Jane is thrilled until Rafael tells her that he had gotten a phone call asking for a monetary donation to sweep the biting incident under the rug. Jane thinks Rafael wasn’t planning on telling her, and was going to let her feel like she was responsible for Mateo not getting in, and the two get into a bit of a shouting match. The teacher of the preschool stops them, and they apologize for fighting in front of the kids. The teacher says that it’s fine to fight in front of them, as long as they make up in front of them too. Next thing you know, Jane and Rafael are perched on tiny chairs in the Compassion Corner, in front of a room full of toddlers and their parents. The teacher manages to get the two to open up about why they’re upset, and they leave the preschool smiling, with a solution for the biting (comfort the victim, rather than giving the baby attention) and a preschool for Mateo!

Upon getting home, Mateo bites Michael, so Jane starts to “comfort the victim,” telling him that what happened was terrible, and he didn’t deserve it. Unexpectedly, Michael chokes back a sob, and tells Jane that he thinks it’s just dawning on him that he almost died. He jokes that it would be a good time for Jane to try to convince him to get a different job, but Jane knows how much he loves being a detective, and tells him as much.

Tough Act to Follow| Meanwhile, Rogelio has decided he wants to cross over into American television. He has his eye on a 3-episode arc coming up in Hawaii Five-O, but so does Esteban! Rogelio is confident that he’s a better actor than Esteban, but his American accent is utterly terrible. He practices on Xo, who’s confiding that her mother isn’t making her feel guilty about having the abortion, she’s making her feel guilty about not feeling guilty. Rogelio reassures Xo that if she’s sure about her choice, that’s all that matters. Now, he has some confiding to do. The reason he’s not content in just being the biggest telenovela star in Mexico is because Mexico isn’t his home anymore. He wants to be famous in his new country, too! Later, he gets a call that Esteban got the part instead of him. Then, while filming a scene for his telenovela, Rogelio gets the idea to bring his telenovela to American TV, rather than changing himself to fit American TV.

Jane tells Xo to come home, and she does, to quite a strange sight. Alba is tearing off that ugly cherry-patterned wallpaper with her bare hands. She won’t look at Xo, but she tells the wall that she hates the wallpaper, but was too stubborn to admit it. She’s taking it down, and moving on, which is what she wants them to do about the topic of Xo’s abortion. She’ll never agree with what Xo did, but she values their relationship.

Dirty Laundry | Back at the Marbella, Anezka is freaking out. She wasn’t supposed to be playing Petra’s part for very long, just long enough to find dirt on Rafael and blackmail him for money. She’s snooping on his work computer when she’s caught red-handed by Scott! What would real Petra do? Anezka decides to seduce him to keep him silent. Then, while she’s looking through Rafael’s personal laptop, Rafael comes to the door and asks why she’s been acting so weird. She manages to hide the laptop by sitting on it, and decides to blame all of “Petra’s” weird behavior on something behind the second door on the right. Rafael opens the door to find a naked Scott. Anezka tells Rafael that she’s been acting weird because she’s embarrassed, but she likes him. She later confesses to Scott that she had been looking for dirt on Rafael, so she could blackmail him, and he tells her that he’s been collecting dirt on everyone at the Marbella for years. He suggests they take Rafael down together. Uh oh.

And finally, Michael gets his physical done. The doctor can’t clear him for police work for a few more weeks, but he’s “free to resume normal activities.” Jane and Michael almost leap out of their chairs asking if they can have sex, because they thought they were still two weeks away, but the doctor says it’s A-OK, so they take off running to finally do it.

Jane the Virgin airs Fridays at 9/8c on the CW.